Listen up, ladies. At the request of a friend, I’m writing this article to call your attention to the worst dating advice ever given. Advice recipients, you now have a come back. Advice givers, take heed.
If you’re too good (e.g., pious, does not tell nor laugh at green jokes etc.) you won’t find anyone.
So the only way for me to find someone is if I turn to the dark side?
You need to be more _________________ (quiet, ladylike, serious, etc.)
Para magulat ‘yung lalaki kapag bf ko na s’ya, biglang reveal my true personality?
You HAVE to get married. If you’re in your late 30s and haven’t found someone, start worrying. If you’re not married and don’t have children you won’t have someone to support you in your old age.
I’m not worried at all. Sa ganda (at confidence) kong ‘to, I can practically get any guy I want — that is, if I want them. But the right person has not yet come along and I really don’t want to settle for anything less. And oh, I didn’t know kids were “insurance”.
Don’t project yourself as too smart because if you do, men won’t be interested in you.
Last time na nagpakatanga ako, tanga din ‘yung naging boyfriend ko. Sawa na ‘ko sa lowest common denominator.
He may not share your faith but that’s no problem; in fact you might be the instrument God will use to bring him to the faith.
Parang Catholic version ng evange-dating? That’s not my thing eh. ‘Yung isang kaibigan ko ganyan. Ngayon di na s’ya Katoliko. In fact, di na rin ‘ata Kristiyano. Na-reverse evange-dating.
Masyado kang nagpapaka-Maria Clara; di na yan uso ngayon. Bahala ka tatandang-dalaga ka nyan.
Di ba meron ding malandi na tumandang dalaga pa rin? What’s the diff?
You cover yourself up too much and try to blend in with the crowd. You need to show yourself more and stand out.
Eh di ba I’m the one nga who stands out now because other women show too much skin? Baligtad na ngayon, girl. In a world full of Kardashians, be an Audrey.
(To an OFW) You are a Filipina and yes, that is your culture, but you are living in __________ now, you need to break free from your culture.
Nalilito ‘ko sa ‘yo. So should I be proud, or ashamed that I’m Filipina? Ano ba talaga, ang culture ba ay kayamanan o kapintasan?
(To someone with SSA) Just go ahead and date the person of opposite sex who’s interested in you, that might help you become straight!
Kung gan’on kadali ‘yon, matagal na ‘kong nagpaka-babae.
Don’t quit, keep working on it.
Kahit binubugbog na ‘ko, okey lang. Pangarap ko talaga magpaka-martir eh.
Play hard to get.
Tapos? Pag di s’ya kumagat, anong next step ko? S’ya naman ang hahabulin ko? No thanks. I don’t play mind games.
Don’t change. Show your worst self. He should be able to love you exactly as you are.
Tama. Ayoko kasing magbago. Gusto ko stagnant na forever.
Don’t listen to your (mom, sister, dad, brother, best friend).
Right. They don’t have my best interests in mind kasi, no?